This newsletter is a weekly list of people I am mad at. This is the list for December 11, 2020.
Some jabroni named Brian called me a bitch in an email because I wouldn’t help him do a Google to find him a Zoom magic show within his price range. This is the stupidest fucking sentence I have written all year and at the beginning of the pandemic I had to email the Canadian government to explain to them that they had to trick my parents to get on a flight back home from India because they were convinced COVID was “just the flu.”
Ben Affleck.
All birds except owls, which are not birds. I’m not getting into this again.
Sara.
I used to go to junior high with this guy who would run laps in gym while I would walk them very gently because pre-birth control I would get my period for three weeks every month, and every time he would pass me he would yell, “Welcome to Lap-ville, population: you.” I have vivid dreams of eating the tendons in his neck.
Shia LaBeouf, like, what the fuck, man?
That lady who, five or six years ago, told me I was “poor” because I didn’t bring indoor high heels to wear to people’s houses when I came over for dinner parties. Guess who’s not coming to my fucking house ever again, Kailyn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My old Health teacher who made me watch The Breakfast Club four semesters in a row.
Anyone using “badass” unironically. Straight to jail.
The woman in this GIF. I know it’s not her fault it became ubiquitous on Twitter but if I see it one more time, I’m going to drive to her house, break all her mugs, and force her onto an all-solids diet.
Godspeed.
-sk
Lol I love this
Did you pick 10 people because they’re the only 10? Or you just decided to stop at 10?