A List Of People I Am Mad At, 1/14/22

This newsletter is a weekly (sometimes) list of people I am mad at. This is the list for January 14, 2022

1. How come all the documentary genres on Netflix are things like, “inspiring!” and “food for thought!” and “controversial!” and none of them say what I actually need which is “baby broken, need noise for background while phone scroll, brain sad and soft please no big racket for brain, just little noise until nighttime and brain can go away.”  

2. Ben Affleck.

3. People don’t hate Sagittarius men enough.

4. Who is watching the show about the pimple popper on TLC? I need to know so I can hit you in the face in front of your family.

5. Why does the Indian baby in The Boss Baby: Family Business have to be in a turban? Who’s gonna tell them about the headgear of Indian babies?

6. I cried watching a Pearle Vision ad where a brown girl gets red glasses that match her jhumkas. This is why I always advocate against diversity: I don’t need this kind of sudden, middle-of-the-day trauma in my life.

7. My therapist texted me “lol” the other day. I won. I won at therapy. I’m never going again.

8. You know, I don’t need to spend $30 a month on Masterclass to find out I’m bad at tennis, thanks.

9. Thinking a lot about the woman on Twitter who, years ago, kept talking about how she wished she could rent someone’s yard for her dog to play, and how mad she was when I told her that she was describing a public park.

10. I liked Encanto just fine but I would love to be able to watch a Disney movie with my niece without feeling the way I do after reading A Little Life.

11. The funniest part about that lady from the CBC who appears to have quit in protest of the company being tOo WoKe is that she is completely unknown to anyone in the newsroom. Nothing like an impactful protest resignation that prompts your old colleagues to say, “Wait, who?” Anyway good luck to her and her Substack; as you can see, I have one too, so pretty much anyone can get one.

12. Television ads for broth are so depressing.

Since we last talked, I wrote a profile of Tara Reid. It’s good, you should read it.