This newsletter is a weekly list of people I am mad at. This is the list for January 15, 2021.
Earlier this week I saw a man on a television show make scrambled eggs by first burning them and then scraping the eggs out of a Teflon pan with a metal spoon. Guillotine.
I bought a new pair of sneakers a few weekends ago and somehow made it all the way home before I realized that I had brought home two left shoes.Β
Thereβs one particular Kid from Kids In The Hall who is an absolute asshole, and normally, I would just tell you who it is right here, but my favourite activity since moving to New York from Toronto is telling Americans specifically which Kid sucks, and watching their faces twist and fall, and then I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.
Ben Affleck.Β
I just remembered that I once came to school wearing the same sweater as my 10th grade Chemistry teacher and I have no idea how I am still alive.
TLC, because What Not to Wear went off the air in 2013 and I still mumble βπΆ π·ππΎππ½π ππππππ π πππ πΎπ πΆ ππππΆπ ππΆπ ππ πΆπΉπΉ πΆ π ππ ππ» πΈπππππ ππ ππππ ππππ»πΎπβ to myself every time I go shopping, as if I know anything at all about the literal garbage bags I stuff my meat-sack body into.
My friend Maggie tried to write the word βtoqueβ and she spelled it βtookβ and βtwo-K.β
Speaking of which, do you have any idea how Americans say pasta? βPaw-staw,β like a country full of Olive Garden Italians. I hate it here.
A pox on anyone who called me in the last week and started it with, βHow are you.β How am I? How am I? How am I??? For the foreseeable future, anytime we have a coup, letβs skip over that question and get straight to the business of figuring out how to barricade our homes against people who like certain flags too much.
Last week I wrote about the coup and Charlottesville. This week I wrote about how I wish my butt was bigger. Hell of a start to the year.
I moved from Toronto to the US in the 5th grade / GRADE FIVE. I was bullied for pronouncing "pasta" CORRECTLY and dropped my accent as fast as possible. I regret this every day.