This newsletter is a weekly (sometimes) list of people I am mad at. This is the list for December 24, 2022.
Routinely and frequently having the dark realization that Twitter lasted longer than my marriage.
My inexplicable gratitude to the woman at Shoppers Drug Mart who rang my tampons through and started to say “Merry…” before getting a good look at me, taking an alarmingly pregnant pause, and then finishing with “….holidays?” It get it. We’re all doing our best.
You think I can’t find a way to be a piece of shit anywhere in the world? Four days ago, I got a hot dog for breakfast in Los Angeles. I didn’t even know that was legal.
I told my dad I was going to Dave & Busters a few weeks ago and he angrily yelled, “WHO IS DAVE AND BUSTER” and then I told him it was an arcade and he told me to get a life.
Charlie Brown Christmas theme?? At the Palm Springs airport???? When I’m already four hours delayed????????? Are you trying to get me to open the emergency exit while we’re hovering over Idaho??????????????????
Adults in Pandora Mickey Mouse jewelry. You have money and this is the choice you make?
My eternal gratitude to Elon Musk for making Twitter views public. Now everyone can also experience the unique horror of working in a digital newsroom where your colleagues and editors have access to the data that proves how few people read the idiotic story you fought so hard for. (My autofiction about the Senate’s fattest asses was a good idea!!!)
Ben Affleck.
Why is everyone being shy about their positions as nepo babies? If my parents were suspiciously rich or famous, I’d talk about it all the time. Instead, I was raised by a woman who claims to have three separate birthdays (one of them is always today and I’ve always forgotten it somehow?) and a man who put on three pairs of pants and four sweaters to drive me to the pharmacy but neglected to put winter tires on his car, IN CALGARY, IN DECEMBER.
I don’t like beets.
My last piece of the year is a maudlin little ditty for This American Life about my first divorcée Christmas. Hope you like it, but if you don’t, I don’t give a shit. Merry holidays, talk to you soon.
It literally makes my day every time you publish one of these. Thank you for representing absolutely livid women everywhere.
True story - my mom and step dad grew too many beets one year and decided to make beet wine... it was as awful as it sounds.