A List Of People I Am Mad At, 4/18/25

This is a weekly (sometimes) list of people I am mad at. This is the list for April 18, 2025.

1. I get the reticence to let go of what you loved. Decades ago, when Harry Potter first came out, your support of the franchise was that of a mere reader. You wanted to engage in a bit of culture, to be a child (some of you were adults, even back then, but I’ll let it pass for now, you terminal loser), to enjoy some whimsy. I understand the impulse; I, too, was raised under the watchful eye of HP IP, and I can understand wanting to cling to memories of a time and space where things were simpler and magical and good is guaranteed to win over evil. But this week, after the UK Supreme Court excluded trans women from the definition of “woman” (which is what they are, by the way), it’s clear that J.K. Rowling’s impact has gone well, well, well beyond the literal only thing of value she’s ever created. Sitting in her castle somewhere, sucking the alleged mold out of her walls, she’s spent the decade on a crusade against trans people, one of the smallest and most marginalized groups in the world. (This is like being mad at ladybugs, which are both harmless and not really that ubiquitous but what do I know? I am simply a cis “woman” using a “women’s” “bathroom” who does not care who else is in there unless she has some gum in which case: can I have some gum.) What was Rowling’s goal? Well, it seems like it was precisely what happened here: to use her enormous wealth and remarkable influence to sway public opinion—and now, the UK courts—into viewing trans people with the same dehumanizing lens that she deploys on them. Soon, there will be a new Harry Potter show, and with it, more: there will likely be reprints of her book, public events, brand activations, an update to the many theme parks, perhaps a new recipe for butterbeer. We ask sometimes if it’s ethical to consume good art by bad people, but those conversations are usually had in hindsight. Can I enjoy Rosemary’s Baby if Roman Polanski is a rapist? Well, that movie came out in 1968, no one is stopping you from watching a classic, and Polanski is going to die any minute now. But Rowling? Her work is still contemporary, still being updated, and she’s still getting rich off of it. There is a current one-to-one relationship between your credit card and her anti-trans campaigns. Her forthcoming HP offshoot will give her more time in the media, more attention for her brain-dead tweets, and more money to waste on this meandering political distraction. She can do all of this—like Elon can, and has been—because she is very, very, very rich. We made her so, without initially realizing what we created. I know. I get it. We just thought we were reading a book. But now, we see very clearly who she is and who she wants to hurt. Every time you watch her stupid fucking movies, or you buy her goddamn books again, or you pick up a Harry Potter journal, or you talk about how you’re a Gryffindor which, again, is CARTOONISHLY EMBARRASSING BECAUSE YOU’RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE AUDITED BY THE IRS AND YOU’RE TAKING ABOUT WHAT KIND OF WITCH YOU WOULD BE, you finance her further attempts to ruin the lives of your trans siblings. You are putting money in her pocket, which she then uses to be a pest. It’s nicer to live in a world where your purchases do not have such a direct line to harming other people, but that’s not reality of capitalism: your taxes pay for bombs and your Amazon subscription pays for Katy Perry to go to space. So view your engagement in Rowling’s work as tacit financial support of her efforts too. It’s a decision you’ll have to make on your own, because no mechanism will likely ever forcibly stop you from engaging with the work of one of the most vocal anti-trans activists in the world. No one will stop you from watching the newest Harry Potter remake. No one will stop you from seeing it on Broadway. But is riding a broomstick at Universal Orlando worth the eventual subjugation of people just trying to live? Is your selfish and brief pleasure (around a FRANCHISE FOR NINE YEAR OLDS) more important than the fundamental existences of people you perhaps don’t even know? Do trans children, too, not deserve the safety you used to feel when you tucked into those books as a kid yourself? Maybe you are that craven. Maybe your amusement is more important than your humanity. That’s your right, but it also means you lose the moral argument. You know what my right is? Making you feel like a fucking loser for it, for the rest of your pitiful, ugly little life. Cool time-turner necklace! Are you proud that you traded a part of your soul for a $59 piece of lucite? Dorkass.

2. Speaking of space, we keep going there, but like, for what? Is someone going to be brave and build a colony yet? I think we should have made Gayle pitch a tent on the moon, set up camp, start humanity over and then, naturally, ruin that place too.

3. I hear white girls are wearing dupattas with their prom dresses, and everyone’s crying about cultural appropriation. What I think we should do is give all these Jessicas a look at the real process of wearing an actual Indian outfit. They deserve some authenticity! Every white girl wearing South Asian-inspired outfits this spring (and, saliently, talking like they invented it) should have to go to Bhatia Cloth House with one of my aunties and have the shape of their upper arms criticized for an hour before they’re shoved into a tube of organza covered in roughly sewn mirrors that cut up the skin on your armpits. They want it so bad? Take it.

4. If you, like me, are depressed, I recommend going on TikTok and looking up “angry Republican town hall.” I think the results may surprise and delight you.

5. Ben Affleck.

Plenty of new Scamfluencers for you. If you’re a podcast fan, I also appeared on the new season of Normal Gossip. If you’re browsing around Max these days, you might find a docu-series called Hollywood Demons. I’m in it, if you want to hang with a familiar face (or voice, or attitude problem).

If you have a question for my divorce advice column, I’d love to hear from you here.