A List Of People I Am Mad At, 6/27/22

This newsletter is a weekly (sometimes) list of people I am mad at. This is the list for June 27, 2022.

1. Anyone responding to abortion restriction with the profoundly unhelpful credo of make sure you vote this November should legally be required to live inside the sea, alone, and naked. You deserve nothing.

2. I’m so sick of hot people.

3. I moved into a new apartment and I’m worried my cat is sad because she doesn’t have as nice of a view. Last week she threw up on my bed and I apologized to her.

4. One way to feel bad is to watch Toddlers & Tiaras and quietly consider the fact that most of the mothers to those wretched children are, in fact, about your age.

5. I want to watch some dystopian fiction but just the fun parts where people are partying and doing drugs through their buttholes and pushing off their inherent feelings of dread, not the second act where actions start to have consequences.

6. I think my new neighbours are playing religious music in several languages to bother me but joke’s on them, the music slaps.

7. Someone left a comment on my John Waters profile saying that they hated it and added that I was probably the type of girl who would bring thank you cards to an orgy, which I am obviously thinking about a lot. What, I can’t be horny AND polite???

8. The Rock unfollowed me on Twitter so I unfollowed him back.

9. MARGARET ATWOOD WROTE OTHER BOOKS. THEY’RE NOT GREAT BUT SHE HAS OTHER MATERIAL.

10. A good way to know someone’s marriage isn’t “stronger than ever” is if they ever say the words, “Our marriage is stronger than ever.”

11. Why fly United when you can just build your own wagon with sticks and drag yourself across the plains of America? Takes about as long and the food options are better.

12. Is there any indignity worse than realizing you eat tuna salad the way your dad eats tuna salad? Thirty one years and here I am, drunk at 2 in the morning, chopping up cilantro and thirty fucking green chilies for a sandwich.

13. I want to physically fight Austin Butler. I think we can all agree that I would win.

14. Thank you for tagging me in your Friday night Instagram giving my five-year-old book an unsolicited 3/5 review. It felt great, and the timing was exquisite.

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