This newsletter is a weekly (sometimes) list of people I am mad at. This is the list for July 2, 2021.
How come whenever anyone in New York talks about someone being particularly fashionable, it just means they wear black jeans with a back t-shirt and one very large gold bracelet?
Ben Affleck.
I can’t believe I’ve been alive for 30 years and still, STILL, the kind of man I’m most attracted to is some loser getting on the subway in midtown, wearing his stupid little dockers and pressed navy shirt and maybe some dumbass beaded bracelets because he saw The Grateful Dead in 1999 and he wants me to know it. If anyone has a poison they can provide me, I would be absolutely thrilled to drink it.
I bought a denim skirt because the current teens made me forget that I used to wear denim skirts all the time when I was a teen myself and I looked like I got lost in a Hollister in 2009. Why am I letting 16-year-olds with narrow hip bones tell me how to dress myself??? Should I just give up and put the skirt over, perhaps, some capri-length black leggings and those mesh flower slippers? Who cares, the planet’s on fire and we’re all dying anyway.
I have unsubscribed from the Barry’s newsletter so many times that I’m starting to think someone else is signing me up for the Barry’s newsletter. If it is you, please stop. I have a very specific phobia of working out in the same lighting as a Kenny Rogers Roasters.
My dad lives in a cold climate but the heat wave is getting to him too, so here’s a photo of him wearing a muscle shirt (what?) and then kissing his own biceps (why?):
I’m not sure why but this week in particular, I couldn’t get away from hearing people complain about having to pay a dollar or two to get around a magazine’s paywall. Don’t get me wrong, we all know about incognito mode, but imagine walking out of your house with your dick in your hand, demanding your local to give you a coffee for free, and when they refuse, you tell them, “ExCUSE me but I believe that capitalism shouldn’t impede my ability to take a huge shit.” Listen bitch, even journalists need to find a way to make $.45 a word, and it’s not like you didn’t pay $119 this year exclusively so Amazon should ship a pen with a disco ball on the end of it to your home within one day of you realizing it even exists.
Did you know that Unbound is the name of a vibrator company I like and also the name of a Christian nonprofit based out of Kansas City? Good, now we both know.
Happy to spend any amount of money on any recreational drug or alcoholic beverage but I WILL write a letter to my congressperson if I’m charged $10.99 for 6 ounces of halloumi one more time.
This week, I wrote about this television show made for women who hate their husbands’ penises, and about how much I fucking hate space. Don’t forget to boycott all holidays that incidentally celebrate genocide. Have a nice weekend, or don’t, it’s really entirely up to you and I won’t know about it either way.
Looks like Trisha's alter on here today is: Jessica Perkowski😂😂😂
You're trash