This newsletter is a weekly (sometimes) list of people I am mad at. This is the list for June 25, 2021.
Ben Affleck.
Can a salad just be a cucumber with kimchi wrapped around it?? Christ, they really need to reopen my office.
Please stop trying to sell me almond milk. These ads where they pour it into a tall glass are obscene; the almond milk — juice, really, it’s almond juice — does not look remotely as appetizing as regular milk, which I concede is not that appetizing to begin with. Hey, do you want to drink some white, thin, mystery liquid? What if one of the Sutherlands narrates while we pour it out? Boy, do I ever have the beveragino for you!
Absolutely aGOG at the pharmacist I watched this morning pull a punch of staples out of a piece of paper with her raw-dog fingers and just FLING THEM TO THE FLOOR. THERE’S A GARBAGE RIGHT THERE. WHY ARE YOU TURNING THE PHARMACY INTO AN OBSTACLE COURSE?
I just watched a reality cooking competition where Tonya Harding was a contestant, and while yes, I too watched I, Tonya, and feel very bad for her in many ways, she did say, “I would be most known for my triple axel,” and girl, sweetheart, babes.
I’m sure a few months ago I would’ve tweeted something this week in the realm of “getting my period as soon as mercury in retrograde ends? that’s praxis,” but I am absolutely too tired to do so.
I went to a new doctor this week. He had so many bean bag chairs in his waiting room. I am back on the market for a new doctor.
Isn’t it crazy that everyone who lives in an apartment and makes between $50,000 and $140,000 a year keeps shopping at West Elm even though their furniture looks like a child’s drawing of a stiff little chair1 and the shipping takes longer than just building a whole fucking coffee table yourself with your bare hands and leftover popsicle sticks and ideally a few faulty parts that WILL require replacing in four to six months?
We haven’t talked in a while. This month, I profiled Gabbie Hanna and wrote about Bo Burnham’s Netflix special. Smell you later.
Written from one of my two stiff little West Elm chairs.
Stop harassing Trisha you lowlife
Totally unrelated to this post but still related to your person - I FINALLY managed to get a WOC Book Club running at my public library in Ontario, and guess whose book we're gonna be reading for our first meeting?? Scaachiiiiii (much love, I adore you book immensely)